want
It is quite possible I am having a mild existential crisis.
I am certainly not myself, but then again I am questioning who myself is. I feel like I am living a good solid dual life, if not a triple life.
Since the DUI incident I have just been stuck in a funk. I even canceled a date. I feel a bit shook up still. Yes I am dealing with it, it is a costly deal that is for sure, and it has all left me with a lack of friskiness and with some questions I think I need to answer.
As much as I am longing for cock, wanting to get fucked and wanting to fuck, as much as I have been daydreaming about wanting to taste your curve slide into me. In fact I have been daydreaming about giving head so much it hurts, I think I might cry when I get the chance to make you hard in my mouth, tears of cock joy.
But for some reason I am having the damndest time getting the energy up to seek that cock out. Just thought of dating seems exhausting right now. And while I can always go for the random meaningless sex, well it is just that, while I love the random–I hate the meaningless.
So, what’s a girl to do. What if I am losing my mojo, what if I am becoming overwhelmed with shyness? I am out of dating practice and I just don’t feel like doing it. But I also think that things such as dating need to be done or you do get out of practice, and you do lock your self in you apartment and watch too much porn and fuck your self way too often.
What do I do with all this want? All this cock want?
I hate the meaninglessness too. Sex is so much better when there’s a mental connection.
Of course I’d be happy to try to help you solve that problem over a drink, but alas you are there and I am here.
Well, I think you’re right about getting out of practice. I certainly feel that way also, and it really ticks me off at the “so THIS is gonna be my mid-life crisis?” level.
So far, I’ve think it comes down to finding enthusiasm. To date, I don’t think it’s a “use it or lose it” thing and I think it’s right there under the surface (lurking like the Loch Ness Monster), but I really do miss the shit out of my dirty mind.
I want (WTF, I need) someone to be enthusiastic for me, and I know that “spark” will re-ignite the enthusiasm within me that I’ve missed so much. I know it’s there, but trying to force it has turned out to be an exercise in frustration (thus spiralling in further).
Your mileage may vary.
Call it guilt, shame, what-have-you. It sounds like you were caught doing something you feel you shouldn’t have and now it’s screwing with your self-esteem (I realize that sounds trite, but there you have it). These things will effect good people by shaking up one’s psyche and creating a disconnect between what you want and what you feel you should do. One’s sensuality can only be healthily, joyfully and fully expressed when all feels right in one’s world. Doing something “bad” doesn’t make you a bad person. You WILL get your mojo back. Then you can scratch that itch again. And when you do…scratch the living shit out of it!
It’s tough to comment on what needs to be done in your particular situation. I’ve never been the sort to go out and just hunt for a date, like you do, so I can’t tell you how to get back on that horse again (so to speak). I do know that sometimes I tend to stay at home and play hermit rather than going out and enjoying the outside world, and to get out of a funk like that I just have to force it. Get dressed, put on something hot and just hit the town. I’m sure you could manage the same. Good luck at recapturing that Vixxy magic.
– PB
Chin up, darlin’!
That way I can see your eyes better.
Don’t forget about all of us wanderers that come to you for our daily worship.
Vancouver Sensuality: Vancouver is not really that far…
gary b: thank you thank you thank you for your empathy. It helps, just knowing I am not the only one, with a sex drive that makes me crazy and no where or no one to fill it. Soon, someone will be “enthusiastic for me,” if I can only let them be that way and I hope for you too. A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Oversexed Librarian: you nailed it my dear. Feeling a bit fraudulent at the moment. Mojo on the horizon, I can feel it, oh wait that’s just my vibrator.
The Panserbjørne: I am on it.
Wayward Librarian: Chin is up, besides my eyes I do have a nice smile too.
Ah Vixen — a bad case of the stupidity inspired blues, it seems… if I had a nickel for every time, I’d retire. Methinks you’ll bounce back… there’s sooo much fire there… it won’t be going out…
Besides, some of us NEED you… bad.
buzzworm: YES! I think you have nailed it “stupidity inspiered blues.” I got em’ and I know will bounce back I am foot soldier of life. thank you for your comment.
xoxo.
Vixxy
Lordy, lordy I’d like to be in your trench… smile.