the shameful soak
My first real boyfriend–he played guitar; eventually he was in a band. It was young rock and roll love. He used to tell me–and this, well this– is really funny, because half of you are probably too young to even know the reference and the other half are really going to think it’s truly funny–but he told me I gave him head like he imagined Lita Ford would. From the late-80s, not from the cool late 70s–I’m your ch ch ch ch ch cherry bomb—days. Ahh those fine memories of young masturbation to MTV. When I, and thousands of countless others used to fuck themselves to those damn Robert Palmer girls…so perfect. Sluts.
Anyway I am getting off the storyline.
My first real boyfriend. I sucked his dick– a lot, he had a relatively small dick, it was easy to work with, easy to suck, in a mind blowing way. He loved it, I loved it. It was with him when I realized the supernatural power I held for sucking cock. Cock worship instilled. It was magical. The first time I gave him a blow job he was shocked. I was shocked, considering I had, at that point, very few dicks in my mouth. Who knew the power I possessed (and still do)?
At this point in my sexuality I had only been accustomed to making myself cum, which, of course, I did all the time, all the time (and still do). I was very aware at how to cum and the various ways in which I came. I was not aware of how other girls came, unfortunately this is a topic we never talked about it.
One late autumn afternoon, on my parents living room floor, the sunshine flooding in, after having given him a one of those mind numbing blow jobs, but not to the point of cumming, I wanted to fuck him. I began to grind on top of him and work my clit. This was probably only one of handful of times we actually had sex, after the blow job realization I/we spent a lot time working on my devotional practice. Anyway…while I was grinding I felt myself about to cum hard, not just a normal cum, but one of those nice long soaking, creamy liquid cums. I felt that serge in my body, that fire behind the knees, in the curves of my elbow and the bottom of my feet. One last hard drive down and I let loose a mild flood onto to him, soaking us.
It felt fucking great, until he pushed me off of him and started yelling “what the fuck!, did you just pee on me, what the fuck! That is so fucking gross.” Wow! My mind raced and my budding sexual freedom, shrunk in an instant. Young humiliation. I thought it was normal, I thought it was what happened when you came and this one boy made me think the opposite and in the process made me feel shameful for the act. He got up, showered and left.
We did not last too much longer after that, he did not really want to have sex anymore, and I guess I did not really just want to suck cock only, but I did for awhile. After the incident I stopped making myself cum like this, I no longer persuading my pussy so hard to induce that soaking orgasm. Sad.
I guess my point is, again about the programming of our sexuality, and how that programming even came into being, and how it gets swayed and manipulated. I felt so embarrassed by what this one boy’s thoughts and reactions were to the event, that I made myself think I was not normal. So I suppressed the way I came, even when I made myself cum. Fucking ridiculous.
Of course you can’t hold good-bad girl down, it was not too much longer until I met someone who not only brought it out in me, even with me trying to suppress it, but fucking loved it and wanted me to soak him all the time. It doesn’t happen all the time, but we certainly tried to make it that way.
What a fool that boy was. How could he say that to you? What you offered him was a gift beyond compare. You bared your soul to him, flooded him with your scent and your spunk and he admonished you?
What a jerk.
wb
So sad that he didn’t appreciate the gift you gave him. And all the sadder for the shame you felt for something that should have been joyful. I’m glad you soon realized it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of.
Max
Lita Ford. That says it all. Me, I always fantasized about getting into Kate’s Bush. http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2005/09/support_bush.html
Because she was, you know, English and all.
Now I’ll just be eaten up – ahem – wondering about the particulars of your fellatio finesse…I’ve known, and know, some exemplary cocksuckers; is there a scoresheet I can use to compare..?
G
I was following the Grateful Dead around with some friends in the 80s. My GF was preorgasmic but loved sex anyway, and we worked and played with her arousal every day and every night. One night we were camping after the show. There was campfire light flickering on the tent and music being played. I love to eat cunt, and I’m tireless. I went down on her and she was _really_ digging it and riding the waves that started at my tongue and fingers. After a half-hour or so, she let go. Much to my surprise, she squirted. That was a first for me. My mouth filled; I heard a gush, and I paused to swallow. I dove back in and she filled my mouth again. This time I swallowed without missing a beat. The flow kept up, slower, for another few seconds, and I swallowed one last time. For her, it was a step in her sexual awakening. For me it was a privilege, and three mouthfuls that I’ll never forget.
Every time I would cum with my wife of 15 years, she would immediately hop off my cock and run full-speed to the bathroom for a towel or washcloth. All the while screaming “that’s disgusting!!!” After hearing this countless times (although now that I think about it, how “countless” could it be when we only had sex about once per month?) I started feeling ashamed of my orgasm and found myself consciously trying to suppress it. After finding the love of my life in Jen, my orgasms have become the mind-blowing variety you describe and both of us just adore and crave the juices produced by our love …. Nary a drop has ever been wasted on a towel or washcloth…..
I am speechless.
And saddened.
So many wonderful and amazing people are cut off by the ignorance and the closed-minds of others.
Imagine the world that was free of hangups and sexual hatred.
Love.
Do you need a hug LV? Or a good mind-numbing round of LV worship?
Youth is definitely wasted on the young.
There’s a guy I’m trying desperately to “capture,” (an ex who is the reason I started my own blog) and among many other firsts with him was the whole “peeing” thing. I’d never had anyone “work me” the way he did and never felt the sensations he opened up to me. He knew something wasn’t right and asked what was happening and I told him I couldn’t relax because I felt like I was going to pee all over him. He laughed heartily and told me that was the idea and it wasn’t pee at all and I needed to trust him and just let it go. Well, I did and let me tell you …!!!
That’s terrible of him, how awful!
I’ve never really experienced a woman who squirts and am looking forward to the day when I do
People can be such idiots when they’re young and stupid, can’t they? Not you, in this case, but the idiot who responded to your soaking wetness with revulsion. On the other hand, if he wasn’t very experienced he might not have known about the possibility of women squirting themselves. He’d need to be educated. But it’s hard to educate someone when they’re yelling about “gross” and “sick”. Gotta have an open mind first, and it sounds like his was as closed as they come (pun intended).
Me, I’m keen to experience a squirter one day, like Hubman said.
– PB
I am sorry to hear of your bad experiences.
I’d love to have you suck my cock, and would love it more to have you squirt all over my face and cock.
I wish…..
We say all sorts of stupid things to each other before we know what we are doing, what our bodies are capable of, and what feels right. I was lucky enough to date two women, at different times, who taught me to love my orgasms and to help with theirs. (Thanks to Cynthia and Cathy).
I’m very glad that you found better, kinder, more understanding lovers in life and that you are here with us now, still sharing.
Warren Bobrow: ahhh he was just young and stupid. he did not know, I did not know. I learned though. Not sure about him…
Max: hi, thanks for the read and the comment, very much appreciated.
Greyrake: thank for the memory link.
plainnasty: “I love to eat cunt, and I’m tireless.” I am sorry did you say something beyond this, because my mind has seemed to momentarily slipped away. What a great experience for the both of you. I love when a man can bring me to that point, wish there were more of you. That sweet shot how pussy love flowing down your throat. Yum!
Hopeless Romantic: love it!
Wayward Librarian: worship please.
Oversexed Librarian: damn those youth.
Kat5: nice! it is hard to let go, but when you do–it can feel so right.
hubman: I cannot say I am squirter, just a very wet, sometime soaker with mild bouts of gushing.
The Panserbjørne: ahh yes stupid youth, and true this time it wasn’t me, but I was full of youthful stupidity too. If we are lucky we don’t stay stupid in all aspects of life, and some we do. Sex–well-fuck–I am still stupid sometimes, but no afraid or shamed.
Ronald10021: oh I bet you would.
advizor54: oh don’t, even still stupid things slip out of my mouth. There is nothing like being with someone open to you in all ways. It makes the sex hotter and maybe a bit messier, but I just love seeing you lips, chin, nose all glistening form my insides.
LV. I am a longtime reader, but this is my first comment. Your writing infatuates me and leaves me longing and wet. I love seeing a strong woman make things work for her. You are well worth looking up to.
In my very early days of sex I was lucky enough to have someone who taught me that squirting was not only ok, but super hot. He loved it. So I did it for him as often as we could be together, barring his marriage. I still do for myself and love the different feeling this kind of orgasm brings. In my soon-to-be divorced state I hope I can find some men like your readers to share my little treasure with.
I shall continue to read and entertain myself with your very visual and fantastic writing.
This happened with my first too. Unfortunately I was really young and dumb and married the guy. We are now divorcing and I am trying to “learn” again how to release like that. I’m able to squirt occasionally playing with myself, but it’s going to take an amazing man to undo so much damage. It’s sad how much of my youth was wasted on someone who couldn’t appreciate it.