I am in a mood.

I posted a CL ad, I should not take vows of celibacy and shun Craig and his list, when I know, my friends know and you know I cannot really keep them. I have really only spent the last few days of my self restricted celibacy watching lots of porn and fucking myself. Which is all well and good, but it tends to make me home bound, lonely, a bit of a porno loner. My favorites this weekend were of these compilations of cum-shots administered via hand jobs. Well, I love watching men cum– it make me a hungry cum slut. I watched a nearly 17 min. long clip of men cumming. Some were rather dated, and some were commercialized, but many were real hot cum shots. Regardless of the varied quality you can’t fake the moment when the cock is cumming. Rock fucking hard a twitching. Of course these were all mostly nice cock and nice sprayers, landing on their bellies, the camera, tits, faces, basically a whole lot of flying cum. I also watched a gang bang scene, which does not usually turn me on, but it was pretty darn hot. Five cocks!? Can you imagine? Yikes! Of course the highlight was the cum shots. Hmmmm? maybe I just like cumshots. Such cum slut. But I also like the DP action on this one, looked so good, the girl was just such nasty porn star, but she looked good with a cock in her ass one  in her cunt. I think I need to try this at least once. Perhaps I need to revisit the to-do list.

This weekend, especially on a porn kick, I tend to bring out the big guns–various vibes, bullet and the Hitachi. But this time it did not happen, I had my favorite vibe close by, but never used it. Instead I heated up my njoy wand in a boiling water, getting it full of heat. Oh my god that thing felt so good, the heat penetrating my core as it spread my pussy lips open. The heat seemed to make me instantly drip around the bulbed head of the wand, my clit rising to attention of hot steel. The wand begins to slowly fill me up and my cunt  sighs, and moans leak out and filter into the room. The wand reaches my g-spot like a miracle of dildo engineering, and I  pour, my fingers and pussy drip…the wand feels so good and heavy. I can’t wait to use this with a lover. I came many times this weekend with the wand, and my fingers.

anyway…

My one little ad elicited just over a 100 responses. Sometimes I post an ad, just to have something do, something to make my Saturday at the library fly by, online flirting. Someone to fill my inbox. I did connect with a few people, exchanged photos, received some nice cock shots. I ended up narrowing my choices and even arrange to meet someone. Some cute Perry Ferrell look alike, but my stupid ass, like I said I am in mood, wanted to go out for a drink with friends first, which turned into two bottles of vino, and no food. I was drunky poo. I still had every intention of meeting the CL guy so I could squash his head between my thighs and ride his face with my needy pussy. But–maybe this is one for humiliation corner–I came home had a shower, shaved up the kitty and star, nice and clean for licking. I wrapped the towel around my head and decided to lay down just for one moment. The next thing I knew it was 11:30 at night and I had missed meeting the Perry Ferrel look alike and missed getting my pussy licked. So in a way, celibacy maintained, due to the effects of alcohol.

Turns out Perry Ferrell has a girlfriend, but his girlfriend is into some tag team action. You know, us against him, them against me, we against her…well you do the math. So perhaps there are still options for them. That threesome action has been on the list for awhile. Although, he did sort of intimidate me sexually (I know, it’s true though, I can be quite shy), and I don’t, now, really believe him to be the submissive slut I was seeking to squash with my power thighs, but I like to keep my doors open, my options for sexual whims.

I do think I have found me a nice willing submissive little slut to have my way with though. I think it may work out just fine. A willing man to serve me, worship me like I want, some of the time, that is. I am not sure this is really for me, but I know I have found myself in this role more than a few times, and I get in the mood every now and then. I want to run you, I want wrestle you to the ground, and smother you and not let you up. Plus I have not used my strap on in awhile, I state with slight evil vixen smile.

What I am curious about is the roles we play sexually and how we ended up getting there. I absolutely love to know about peoples past sexuality, the formative years. I cannot say with complete confidence that there was any one thing that shaped my sexuality. I often think I am repressing something deeper. I know I have always seemed to have a thing for porn, but I cannot really pinpoint one event or series of events that has created my adventurous side. It’s just me. I would hate not trying something that has entered my mind, and that goes beyond sexually, but I don’t think I could keep wants or even inklings of exploration unexplored. There is no one thing or one kink for me, I am not just dominate or submissive and I think that is why a relationship based in just one of those wont work for me. When asked to define my sex, say in various sex sites, I choose “switch” and “bi.” Maybe we are all just too hung up on identity within sexuality, rather than just letting be, form, become. I am an explorer and adventurist at heart, sexually and in life, and I am quite sure I could not live any other way.