My time ticking away, I sat there, the debate in my mind, I should masturbate–well that’s not the debate– should I watch porn then shower, which would cause me to be late, or should shower and masturbate. Debate over.Porn is easy–I can cum relatively quick.  But the mind, the mental fantasy and image is a bit slower, it takes concentration to not let my mind wander back and forth between sexual fantasy and the nonsense intricacies of life that fill my little brain. Grabbing my favorite tools– the njoy wand and my little jimmyjane– I hit the shower.

I thought of you while soaped,  my fingers slick from the suds sliding between skin, measuring the weight of my own tits as they fill my hands. Heavy handfuls. Sliding my hands between the meat of my thighs, wondering what you’re doing, what you look like in the shower with the same sunlight bouncing off your back.  I thought about sliding the soap across your body, our parts gliding together with suds, friction and hot water. Leaning my head against the wall I let the hot water rain down on me, my hands finding my full lips–enjoying my the feeling of my body, the heat, and the cunt that begins to swallow my fingers.

Drifting, I linger there, and those intricacy’s drip from my skin into a pool at my feet and down the drain.

I focus my thoughts on you, imagining you here, in the shower with me, my soapy hands across your back , your chest– filling my hands with your balls, feeling you get hard in my hands.My hands making you hard. A soapy hand job.

Leaning into the wall of the shower I let my hands explore my ass, the cheeks, haunches of flesh that need to be grabbed, and smacked in the most painfully playful of ways. Spreading open my cheeks my finger circling my hole, making my pussy clinch inward. Then I realized I wanted to slide more into my tight hole, just a little more.

Getting my fingertip just dabbed in the slightest of soap I return it to my ass, rub a little, igniting that feeling of want, then I work my finger in, I am so tight that only the tip will go in, but that is all it take, I feel myself loosen, my kitty opens, and grows needy. My finger slides in more. The feeling of my hole grabbing and pulsing around my finger makes me think what this must feel like around your cock. The feel and the thought together make my cunt begin to thump, making me want more, just a little more.

With my finger a little past my knuckle moving so slightingly in that slow fuck motion, I turn my little Jimmyjane pink rabbit ears and grind it into my now very full needy cunt. My ass pulls in on my finger and my pussy throbs open wanting to be filled and my clit is growing to her full size. I don’t want to stand any longer. Dropping to my hands and knee, the shower fully hitting me,  I fuck myself wondering if we could fuck like this in here. Grunting like the animal me, the me whose ass is being filled– but, I want more, just a little more.

The njoy works two ways, there is a smaller end with three tiny rose bud shaped bulbs gradually getting larger, it fits perfectly. Still my finger lost and clasped by my ass, I fill my pussy with the wand, lubricating the steel, making slick with my insides– then I switch– finger for the wand. One rose bud in– I moan, pant and my cunt throbs, my thighs shake, and my ass rocks like I am fucking and invisible cock. Another rose bud in as my fingers fill my pussy and I am right where I need to be, lost, intricacies gone– animal fuck girl in the shower. Pushing the third rose bud through makes me buck harder onto your cock and makes my mouth drop open waiting for the imaginary cum you’re going to land on my tongue. Fucking the wand with my ass, I feel a deep orgasm from what seems to be coming from my chest moving its way down my body. Filled with my fingers and the wand– I just cannot properly explain what my pussy feels like when my ass is filled– so open and pulsating, but tight and clinching– pulling at my fingers wanting it to be your cock.  I toggle between pushing and pulling two rose bud heads in and out bringing myself closer to the edge.

When I know I am about to cum, I pull all three buds out fast and put the other end deep inside my cunt and hit that spot that that make me clutch and moan, then I grind the rumble of the jimmyjane into my mound of pussy and bring the cum out, hard and strong, reverberating off of the bathtub walls. My head is spinning from the release, my breaths are deep and panting- and I am hot and sweaty, not from the shower. I let the hot water continue to pour down on my body as I come down from my orgasm cloud.

Those late night knocks– the ones that catch me when I am weak for love and cock.

Love and cock, why must I continue to connect the two the things, this seems to be where my weakness lies.

Stepping aside– an invitation. Our bodies awkward with the passing of time, but find each others solace quickly. I set you in the kitchen chair, my fingers through you hair, the smell of you fills me and I wish I had never loved you. I breath you in. As much of the past I would like to bury, you keep resurfacing. Usually it’s thoughts, words, a poem, a song, but tonight it is you.

“I can’t fuck you, I have a girlfriend.”

Crushing and freeing words.

“Then why are you here.”

Resignation in the lowering and shaking of his head…

“I don’t know.”

I pull him up from the chair, coaxing him into my room, I put some low sad Lucinda on and we have a dance. I sit him in the chair in my bedroom…

“Well, since you can’t fuck me, then you will have to watch me fuck myself.”

I start slow, rubbing my pussy on top of my green cotton boy shorts, pinching  my nipples through my t-shirt. I sit up at look at you watching me. Pulling the shirt over my head, letting my tits spill out, I cup them both, grabbing and squeezing the way I liked you to do.  Coming off the bed I crawl toward you, flanked by your jean covered thighs, again grabbing my tits, bringing them together around your stiff cock that strains to be released– I can feel how hard your are under the denim. A wet spot has formed there.

“For me?”

Pushing me from your lap pointing back at the bed-

“Show me what I’m missing.”

In the middle of the bed I sit.

“I had a dream I talked to you all night.”

Sliding my panties off.

“I told you secrets and dreams, I told you how much I longed for you to choke me. We talked until I fell asleep, then I woke up and it was a dream.”

Now here you sit watching me part my thighs for you again. Open my cunt up to you, my slickness. I slide around my pussy with my fingers, then I slide the make me wet toy in. Plunging it deep as I can, where I want your cock to go.

“Oh– you like that don’t you? You always did like to watch me fuck things, shoving things into my pussy. I bet you would have enjoyed watching me fuck another cock.”

My cunt so wet we can hear it.

“God you are such a slut, the way you get wet for me– I haven’t seen that cunt in months and here it is dripping all over the bed for me. Slut, you never change.”

I hate you and I love you. It’s  as old time- -hate and love. They go together, like laughter and tears.

I fuck myself, I watch you– I get lost– in my mind I am fucking you, not just myself.

All you do is watch and listen.

It’s been one of those weeks (more like three weeks) for me where I feel angry and hostile, yet utterly horny. I think it is just all of the life circumstance that has me feeling on the antagonistic side, but this emotion also prevents me from pursuing the cock I want in the flesh, as though I just cannot muster up the happy enthusiasm or even smile to get that prize cock.

But, what’s a girl to do with all that horniness and wet pussy? Masturbate, flirt with cock online, and tease the men I come in contact with– make them hard, make them blush, make them think I want to fuck them. It is really just furious flirting going nowhere, but it sure does make me soak my panties– and makes me day drift into fucking and sucking cocks of all variety. This week I’ve been fantasizing about black cock, big cock, two cocks, three cocks– in box, with a fox, in my cunt, and in my mouth- in the house and in the car– Cock! Cock crazy angry girl, I would be one hell of a fuck right about now.

This week I even had to take my fantasy to my favorite bathroom number 3.

After an hour of fantasizing while at the reference desk– toying in my mind the thought of fucking one my co-workers, day dreaming about what his black cock looks like, feels like, about what it would feel like as it began to grow inside his jeans. I thought about my mouth on him, swallowing him, licking his precum. Only once did I think about him lifting my skirt up and fucking me, it was all about worshiping his cock. Following that hour of dick dreaming reference service I grabbed my little Lelo and hit bathroom 3.

Standing in front the mirror I mash my tits together, filling my hands with the mounds of my heavy tits, pinching my nipples, twisting them to erect. I thought about how I told you to grab them, how I like them to be handled– how when I am grinding on your cock I like your hands grasping kneading them,  and needing them– like I needed your cock.

Taking my skirt down, but leaving my panties and boots on– I sit in the orange chair and spread my thighs wide, propping my feet on the gray tiled wall. I slide my panties aside with one hand and my fingers between my lips with the other. It is so easy, I am so slick already. Tilting back and enjoy the feeling of my pussy, trying to get my tiny clitty to bloom, giving it a little pinch and flick. I collect a globule of saliva, lick my fingers with it then slide them in as deeply as I can, squeezing around, deeply and slowly moving in and out– fucking.

My head drops– Elvis singing Ring of Fire plays in my ears, I imagine you there watching me, taking pictures of me. The toy fills me, I can hear my sloppy pussy– even over the music. So needy of cock that she flows like a river, dripping around the toy and my fingers. Pulling the vibe out I bring it to my mouth so I can taste what your cock would taste like, after licking it clean I bounce the vibrations on my puffy pussy while I finger fuck my cunt, it’s good, I am lost…

I want to cum, I want to cum on my fingers, I want to cum on your cock. I want you to watch me cum, while you stroke and milk your cock– feeding me your cum at the same time. That is what does it for me– imagining your cock so close to my mouth– your hands stroking your turgid shaft, your tip grazing my face–leaving a trail of silver slim across my lips and cheek. I feel my stomach drop and my breath sink and grow heavy with lust, a low moan fills the room. My cunt swallowing my fingers even and the vibrator pressing into my clit — I let go with a solid and heavy silent orgasm that soaks my panties even more.

This weekend was spent nursing this broken heart with a steady diet of streaming netflixs, art and physics, scotch, reefer and some rape fantasy porn–of course. Well, actually the rape fantasy porn only last a brief moment or two– as it always does. As my taste softened, my body tingled with that want to be touched feeling– I sought out something more toward my liking to watch. First a tiny blond who squeaked too much, but I sure did like the way he could grab her and impale her on his cock. This is a move I long for, but I am just not a tiny little thing, it would take a pretty strong big man to impale me on his cock like that.

Then I switched to a nice big cock fucking a nice soft bouncy girl, with lots of cock worship and plenty attention devoted to some pussy licking and clit exploration, still not ever enough of that in pornography, but this one was pretty good. Why is it so rare to see the male star go down on his co-star and not slide some finger in while he is licking her? I will come every time a man does that to me.

Whenever the fucking ends with someone, I always have that feeling that I did not get to have their cock in my mouth the way I wanted at least one last time or that I really should have rode their face with my pussy when I had those last few chances to do so. That I should have let my insides pour out all over his face in one last release of me. My heat break is not just for the companionship of that man, but for the loss of his cock, the loss of our sex. I wouldn’t say it killed my sex drive, but fucking myself becomes horribly sad the first few comes, like there needs to be this release of loss, tears and cum. My first come of the weekend was fast and hard, and so strong from the core of my cunt the walls of my pussy locked around my fingers pullingthem deep inside of me—pulsing and pulling, not letting go–my slit filled with the slickest of fluids, the best lube. I wanted to go to bed immediately, but I had not seen the cum shot, so I continued with the bullet firmly vibing my clit–shooting a heat pulse through my body, my tits heavy and nipples on fire, and my pussy still pulling my fingers in, as if they were your cock. I wanted them to be your cock. I came with the stars of porn– my cunt pulsing, gripping and leaking. When I pulled my fingers out they were coated in a cloudy clear gloss with tiny pussy juice bubbles all over my fingers, I really needed to come.

The rest of days were spend very similar to this, a little bit of crying and a whole lot coming –coming, laughing, crying– coming and thinking of you– contemplating when to fight, when to chase and when to let love walk out the door.

Image by Mikey McMichaels and on Tumblr

It doesn’t happen often, but once in a great while–especially if I have been flirting all day–my pussy gets really wet and stays that way until I do something about it. So much so that my panties get a wet spot that stays there all day, I can smell myself–that sweet corn muffin scent– when I move or when I squat to those lowers shelves at the library, or as it did this day while I sat at the reference desk–it bubbled, I could feel the creamy liquid building up between my puffy lips and with a shift of my legs I felt it. Like champagne bubble against my tongue, but instead it was the sweet cunt cream popping between my slit as I twisted my pussy into the reference desk chair.

My horniness was all a bit of a build up, the all around shitty circumstances of the week left me with little urge fuck myself, but by Friday my chaos had stabilized, and certainly by Saturday I was ready to come and come and come again.

I knew it was going to take work to pull this long built up orgasm out of me. Laying in bed, my fingers slipping around my full lips, dripping and sloppy–fat and full, I imagined photographs in my mind, photos of me rubbing myself, my lips surrounding my fingers, getting coated. I thought about you standing there watching me–your hands slow stroking that growing trunk of yours. It became like a dream, shifting in and out of color to black and white and then back  again.

My hard little pebble clit began to grow and beg for attention, but my fingers felt so good massaging the fullness of my cunt, I like to squeeze and contract my insides, pulling on my fingers, imaging how your cock would feel when my pussy clamps around you. I lay there for a long time, not meaning to prolong my come, but enjoying the feeling and the moment of being alone my bedroom, the comfort and warmth of my cunt longing for a cock.

Eventually I could feel the heat spread across my body, the fire building on the bottom of my feet. Under my pillow I slid my hand, feeling around the in the coolness of sheets to pillow for the toy I keep there, a simple and powerful vibe that I wanted to grind and flick the across my clit.

The moment that pulsing vibe hit my clit, my mouth dropped open in want. My mind watching you move in closer, your cock, stiff,  leading the way to my lips. The tip braising my mouth, glossing them in pre-cum. My fingers and hand continued rubbing my sloppy dripping pussy, my toes began to curl and cramp, I could hear that static white noise, and my mouth continuing to drop and accept your dick like a gift from my dreams.

As you fuck my mouth, I am close to pulling this out from deep within me. Words push out of my mouth…

“fuck me, oh right there, there, oh don’t stop, please, please, please…” as if you are really there.

I imagine your cock sliding in and out of my mouth, throbbing inside of me, the fingers pulling out this cum become your your fingers and I beg you…

“feed me,” my tongue out in want, “cum for me.”

As I imagine your pulling from between my lips and stroking a shot that blast across my face and down my throat I come hard, painful even–a blast of pain shoots through head as my cunt throbs and contracts, pulls and releases in orgasm–the pain resides, my body melts into the bed, my pussy continues to pulse, then everything around me grows silent and I think...I want do that again.