Well, I’ve finally been getting back out a lot more often lately. The funny thing about taking self imposed dating breaks and just getting over those “me so stupid, I hate winter blues” is it seems to get harder each time to get back out, I get shy and moody.

We ended up spending the night together, we were pretty high from the elixir, but we still ended up naked. While we tried to fuck like savage sex starved maniacs, it just didn’t happen, but it didn’t matter, at least not to me. I liked laying there–our limbs entwined under the down comforter. Your cock heavy, full, dripping. My body soft, warm and free. The music filling the room, your legs flanking the sides of my body–and I drifted high into the heaviness of my mind and into your thoughts that you whispered. We never did end up behaving like the sex starved maniacs we probably are, but we did roll all over the place and into each other, and your taste filled my mouth many times.

It was slow and I liked it and I want some more.

It turns out I am just your basic old fashioned girl, I am tough and soft, a lover and fighter in one. I like it like summer–slow and hot, sultry even–guess that’s not a San Francisco summer, but I know those sultry humid summers well, they stay in my hard drive of cached memories.

I want to be wooed. I want to be chased by you, I want you to want to chase me. I want you to chase me around your apartment with that sweet heavy swaying cock of yours as it reaches on his own cognition towards my warm cave.

I never used to consider myself high maintenance, but it is possible that I require a bit more maintenance than I once thought.

I need a nice consistent flow of emails and text message from you that tell me how you can’t wait to see me tonight, how you can’t wait to taste me. I need a daily modern love letter–sometimes two or three a day.

I like being walked home. I like the way you meet me at the library after a long day of serving this fine city. I like the way you grab my hand and pull it toward your lips, the way you hesitate as you lean in and take my scent into your lungs– as the sound of those dusk birds that squawk like mad in the row of trees–get muffled, as the warmth from you body meets the warmth of mine and I forget we are standing on the corner of Loneliness and Hyde.

I have been daytripping about giving a good old fashioned hand job, maybe in the car, maybe at the bar. That tease and dance as I feel your cock grow while still tucked away protected, still hiding from me.  How hard would you get before your cock would need freedom from the constraint of fabric? How long before you let me do the slow unbutton or will it be a frantic unbutton? How long until my fingers and hands turns to my lips and mouth?

I feel like going slow– like a road trip.

It is quite possible I am having a mild existential crisis.

I am certainly not myself, but then again I am questioning who myself is. I feel like I am living a good solid dual life, if not a triple life.

Since the DUI incident I have just been stuck in a funk. I even canceled a date. I feel a bit shook up still. Yes I am dealing with it, it is a costly deal that is for sure, and it has all left me with a lack of friskiness and with some questions I think I need to answer.

As much as I am longing for cock, wanting to get fucked and wanting to fuck, as much as I have been daydreaming about wanting to taste your curve slide into me. In fact I have been daydreaming about giving head so much it hurts, I think I might cry when I get the chance to make you hard in my mouth, tears of cock joy.

But for some reason I am having the damndest time getting the energy up to seek that cock out.  Just thought of dating seems exhausting right now. And while I can always go for the random meaningless sex, well it is just that, while I love the random–I hate the meaningless.

So, what’s a girl to do. What if I am losing my mojo, what if I am becoming overwhelmed with shyness? I am out of dating practice and I just don’t feel like doing it. But I also think that things such as dating need to be done or you do get out of practice, and you do lock your self in you apartment and watch too much porn and fuck your self way too often.

What do I do with all this want? All this cock want?