That flutter of anticipation filled us, almost like children, we nearly ran to the elevator, past the bar– not even stopping for a drink. Seeming to chase  glimpses of something “pure”, moments of something– a love affair perhaps– I’m not sure really, other than it felt genuine, and it felt pure. These moments of “pure” have been on my mind frequently these days.

There may have been some awkwardness– because, even though I’m in your hotel room, even after you professed us to be soul mates– I still was not convinced on staying. Inside your tiny room- I began to inspect for this so called “view” I just had to see. Viewing prelude.

How could I be thinking of fucking this man– in my cynical nature– I could already see the “pure” threaded with the tragic– as it often is with sex. Plus I was so unprepared– unkempt legs and kitty, fading and chipped nail polished toes, still in the same work cloths I’d been in all day,  on my period and did not bring even one little sex toy or condoms. I had no buisness fucking in such a state.

But– there is always a but-- always an exception to make for the right person, for moments of pure–despite the tragedy that comes along for the ride. Sometimes you can’t tell if it’s the right person to make an exception for– until you fuck them.

Leaning over the desk to look at the view of the cinder blocked architecture and silver hued rooftops of the adjoining buildings– you come in from behind– your cock firm already nudging into my skirt covered ass cheeks, your arms and hands clasping my full tits. Even in my civil service girl bra- hard and utilitarian– I could feel my nipples harden. Then your lips, breath, and whisper on the back of my neck. That was it, all I needed. Electric from neck, through spine, to cunt.

Tilting my ear toward your lips– I want your breath and words. Flushed.

I stop your kisses and hands, telling you before it goes any further that I’m on my period. It matters not to you– and therefore not to me.

From that point on the evening was blur– I felt high, though I was unbelievably sober–  my normal exacting details are not in my mind. The night became a tangle of tightening and straining of limbs, breaths heavy with inhale and exhale. Our mouths, lips and hands clawing for a freedom and acceptance–cock to cunt in search of one another.

I love that moment of first discovering your cock. What sweet treat will I find to work with? I like to linger before getting to full exposure, take me time feeling you get hard in my hands, wrapping the soft red fabric of the boxers around your branch– defining your cock. Big hungry smile. Happily I dive in, I want to compose to memory as much of your cock as I can in this short time.

It doesn’t take long before my mouth and hand discovers how to make you throb and jump- a swirl of my tongue around the tip, slow slide with my mouth– keeping you inside my throat– then back up. A heavy sigh of release escapes when I filled my mouth with your balls, stroking your shaft with slow concentration. Memorization. Filing those moments away– of what it feels like when you want to cum– for when I am ready for you fill my mouth with cum.

I want to cum first and I do, twice.

Your generous mouth, tongue and fingers bring my unprepared kitty so close– generally I am an easy cum– but on my period and with a new man– it took some work and a lot of licking– once that first one was released though– I felt like I was having mini orgasms the rest of the night– including one induced just by sweet filth whispered into my ear– electric. And one leaving my pussy convulsing and soaking around your fingers– pulled from me  and on to you.

Back and forth we tangle, wrestling our mouths to groin and the pages between. I need to feel you inside of me, I want to feel my pussy throb around you– more than anything I just need to feel you filling me and not leaving, not moving– just filling me. A wave of wanting to express love– or something like it — rushes over me– and it’s pure– and I don’t have words for it.

The entire night was– fucking, sucking, stroking– dozing and then our coming back to each other. Finding your cock in the night hard and soft simultaneously– your skin feeling velvety as I softly stroke you. Both of us lost in a sleep sex daze as I take you in my mouth– loving you the only way I can– I did– love you, love your cock. Inducing you to cum with my love- my mouth surrounding you, my tits squeezing your shaft bringing cum spurting out — filling my mouth and spilling out onto my tits. I lick your flavor up and we drift back asleep.

Night continues to morning, our bodies and mouths remained in constant entanglement until the end.

Leaving memories behind– a nice bruise on my thigh and tender bottom from a series swats a barely recall. Lingering memories tangled.

I’m just a sweet dur dee girl who wants to have  a date to the Cum & Glitter Live Sex Show. No reason to flag me– I want a date night  just like any other girl on there, I am not looking for NSA, one time fuck fuck– stop flagging me.

Uptights. Well, guess I will have to get a date the ol’ fashioned way… talk to someone. eep.

I knew, even before he came I wasn’t going to be that into him– there were signs, comments, hints…but I was still willing to give it a go,  to enjoy the weekend- or I should say, I was willing to enjoy his cock.

We didn’t waste time– I was between his thighs in matter of minutes of opening the door.  From the moment of feeling your cock begin to grow under your jeans– it became about the cock, about my love of cock. When I unzipped and opened the fly to your jeans your branch just behind that thin cotton of underwear, the scent filling my nose and the growing thickness against my cheek instantly made me wet and needy– and what I’ve determined,  it was not because of the man attached to the cock– it was the cock.

It never slipped into imagining another mans cock, the separation came from the man– it became just cock, sweet cock I wanted to lick and slow swirl my tongue around, to tease and drain that salty brined pre cum onto my tongue, to bring you to the edge of coming and then right back down– only to take you right back there. Slutty attachment, detached.

The blow job became a disconnected sort of blow job– a disconnect from the man I had no connection to- it became strictly cock love. Having a cock so close to my cheeks and lips, that smell, the feeling of my breath making it grow under boxers– at that moment I was lost– my breath– deep, heavy and panting-  my mouth and my pussy becoming consumed with a deep want of cock. In that moment it didn’t matter this man meant little to me– and  never would.

Becoming consumed and steering the situation– I adjust so my full tits can be free, I want your cock to be lost in them. Sliding from my lips to between my tits makes me slip into thoughts of fucking, my hips reflecting these thoughts– with each slide of your cock into my mouth or into my tits my hips thrust down and my pussy clenches around imaginary cock, while my mouth works yours. I did not really intend to make you cum like this, but it happened– your cum spilling into my mashed tits pumping out like a mini fountain across mine and yours– I watched the sticky mess squish around your shaft as it lingered, sliding and disappearing in and out of my flesh– the cum settling and becoming sticky mess between us.

My turn–  and now I wonder at this point, are you too disconnecting the woman from the cunt. It was an absolute pleasure to feel my pussy get wet, the slow stroke of fingertips bringing me back to the height of excitement I was feeling when your cock was in my mouth.  At first I thought it may not happen– then I allowed myself to slip away- to let  your fingers and tongue bring me there. Finding my little clit with the tip of your finger, licking for more viscosity, then filling me, pumping into me with your fingers, I could feel the walls of my vagina closing, tightening and wanting to cum. I’m an easy cum and maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it might be my only chance to  do so at hands of this man– even though he wasn’t the man.

Pressing and pushing out on my belly and into my vulva, your hands and fingers filling and pumping into  my cunt and your mouth devouring my pussy– I could feel it from my breath to my core. My hips thrusting and my insides clinching– I could feel the orgasm being pulled out– I summed my mind and vocal cords to mutter your name,  it sounded foreign, insincere and strange. But– the cum did not– when you came up for air your cock was nice and hard bouncing around– “put a condom and fuck me,” I pleaded.

The fucking was not the same and I think somewhere in my mind I knew then– this is not what either of us wanted– but I ignored it– saving my own disillusioned dejected for morning.

One thing about just not playing the game is one doesn’t have to suffer from the rejection. One of these days I am just gonna stop caring about getting laid, about falling in love, about all of it.

My long weekend ended already and not with a bang.

It was just not meant to be, no even for a long weekend.

Even though there was a lovely slow lingering blow job– which culminated in a sweet cum between my tits followed by a much needed orgasim for me at the hands of another. When morning came it was different I wanted more, he did not– it was not me he had his mind on, or it could have been just straight up buyers remorse. Regardless of what it was– I left early this morning– fighting back those familiar tears of rejection and impending aloneness.

Although maybe I’m just sad because my Instagram account was deleted, for once again, TOS violations. It could be the Facebook acquisition that put me over the edge, but I was pretty tame on this site– I loved the intimacy and connection made with people, catching glimpses of someone else’s life. It is a good reminder to back your images up– about a ¼ of the way through using instagram I connected it to Dropbox, so every shot was saved, but those first few 100 shots are not and are now gone as is all of the shots I “liked” and comments left and made. On ZD Ned- Violet Blue offers alternatives to IG and backup method– do it now before your account is deleted.

It was probably the image of the man and woman in the bathtub from the book Where Did I Come From that put me over the edge. Fuck– I loved Instagram– now I really am going to cry.

Going back to bed.

I work here on Sundays and since we have been gearing up for our big Spring Smut Sale, I need to get in as many hours as possible prior to the sale. But when I got there– I found out the space has been rented out for a “play party” at the same time I was scheduled to work.

I decide to stay and work in the back hole of an office where I will sift, shift, catalog and process material for the library and sale– all while remain respectful and on best behavior.

Up until today, I had yet to masturbate while working here– which is somewhat of a surprise to me. I guess it could be that curse of the industry– immersed in all that sex and the sexxy gets lost.

But– well it was one of those kind of weekends– or weeks. All week long as the sex librarian I’ve been assessing our holdings– of which include “Penthouse Letters” a young girl favorite of mine when hiding in my Dads garage with his modest collection of miscellaneous nudie goods– porn mags, playing cards, cigarettes lighters with naked women posed– their hairy pussy spread on the side, and other wonderments of male adulthood. The Penthouse letters were easy to take and replace– I spent a lot of time behind the closed door of my childhood bedroom– reading and re-reading and then re-reading those key parts- finger on my little clit and rubbing like crazy on my young pussy. When I think back, I cannot clearly recall myself inserting fingers at that time. I strongly remember rubbing and rubbing– fast and hard, having these orgasms over and over, generally on top of my panties– so much so that I began to wear holes in the fabric of the cotton.

Early in that week while I cataloged our fine Penthouse collection– I thought back to my youth and almost considered masturbating, but then let the moment slip away. By Friday I was really feeling it– ready to flirt, ready to rub my kitty and wanting to cum. My cunt was in that perfect state of fuckability finding her way to flirt with everyone, grow needy and puffy, getting wet early and staying that way. When I walked across the room I could feel the bubbles form, slide and pop with each step.

Come Friday– home from my work day, my gym action complete– showered and my round ass nude in bed I began to let small amounts of jojoba oil drop on to my full flaunting slit, my fingers massaging my mound– feeling the skin, opening the slit with my fingertips, starting to make my clit grow. I drifted back and dreamt about teasing your fat cock into me, circling the head  into my clit, feeling your cock erect under my hands and in my fat needy girl cunt– using your cock for my needs. My pussy– so wet and slick– was ready to cum quickly– when I pushed my finger deep in, my muscles clenched and contracted like a trap- bad kitty wants to swallow up a cock. I bucked and moaned onto my hand felt my orgasm serge throguh me and soak my hand, flow between my ass cheeks and leaving a little pool behind on the bed. It was a nice orgasm, a sleep inducing cum– but one that left me wanting more.

The next night my Architect was IM-ing me from across the globe, his sleek cock teasing me with its own neediness. The Architect is one of those longing memories– he falls into the “different time and different place” and maybe we could be category of lovers. But we had what we had and now we have what we have and those fleeting rain filled nights my apartment have allowed for years of wistful longing of dreamed about possibilities, of dripping cock and giving cunt. He knows just what to say to me. Talk of filling me with his cum. It gets me every time– oh the sweet thoughts of his barebacked cock pumping into me from behind swinging and dripping as it pulls out and stabs it back in– always gets me off. This time it was the thought of his cum filling me, then me leaning back and letting him watch me fuck myself using his cum as the best lubricant god makes. This fantasy of his bare cock and cum always gets me off– knowing I cannot be filled with cum– that oh so powerful combination of fluids– just makes me want it more. It was a nice hard, white light orgasm– culminating in my head  and popping like a balloon then throbbing brain pulses back down to normalcy and dream land.

That brings me back to Sunday at the CSC Library and the scheduling mishap. After the two days of flirting and nice orgasms I was still so horny. I became a sound voyeur at the “play party.” From my office I could hear chatter, laughter, music– soon I could hear, moans, panting, grunting and soft muffled swats of ass. It began to get warm in my little office, I could hear a couple pretty close to my office door– they were quiet– but I could hear her heavy panting and breathing fluctuate and could hear his soft mannish exhales and grunts. As their orgasms began to rise, so did mine.

I could not do it, sit back there and sift through book and ignore the sounds and the growing wetness between my legs. I wanted to cum at the same time as the couple outside my office.  When I slid my hands between my slit the wetness and the slut cunt pulled my fingers in and with the combination of pushing my hand deep inside and my pussy thrusting on top,  I came when she did– my body on fire, a hard pulsating orgasm that was sound free– tight and contracted.  I continued to massage my whole puffy sloopy pussy while I listened to her partner cum. I love hearing a man cum– especially the quiet ones.

Later when I snuck out the back door of the library, I peeked into the party, wondering who the couple was I came with.

Lovely people! Please become a member of CSC! Membership has its privileges — and helps us do our work. To thank you for becoming a member before the end of the month (that’s March), we’re going to randomly select one person who joins to win a fabulous gift basket from our generous friends at Good Vibrations! AND everyone who becomes a member this month will be invited to a special Members Command Performance of my solo spoken word piece, Peep Show — a full evening of story-telling and secrets revealed from my stint at San Francisco’s finest sex palace, the Lusty Lady Theatre! We’ve scheduled this for Friday, March 23. All new and renewing members get in FREE!AND to sweeten the deal further — everyone who joins at Library level and above will have the opportunity to preview our first-ever Library Sex Seconds Sale! Yes, we’re making room for more books by moving along those items that are duplicates, and we have a super-sexy and bookish sale coming up soon. Preview members can shop for the cream of the crop! (Ahem.)

If you do not already receive our twice-monthly calendar newsletters, please let us know that you’d like to be added to our email list here: carol@sexandculture.org. We won’t share this list; we keep it private and try to send you a reasonable amount of communication, not too much and not too little!

Here are details of our Membership Program:

Becoming a member of the Center for Sex & Culture is a great way to enjoy all the classes and events we host. Library and higher levels of membership also give you the opportunity to utilize our amazing collection of books and media as well as view some of our rare archival collection. It is also a great way to support CSC’s ability to offer quality programming and sex education.

Membership Types
Basic Membership
Includes: discount to many events and classes, invitation to member-only events $60/year Regular
$30/year  Students / Seniors

Library Membership
Includes: access to the library/archive and ability to check out certain materials, invitation to member-only events, special viewings of archival materials
$100/year Regular
$50/year Students / Seniors

Silver Membership
Includes: discount on events and classes, member-only events, access to the library/archive with check-out ability, special viewings of archival materials
$200/year Regular
$100/year Students / Seniors

Gold Membership
Includes: discount on events and classes plus four free event admission for you plus a guest, member-only events, access to library/archive with check-out ability, special viewings of archival materials
$400/year Regular
$200/year Students / Seniors

Note on membership restrictions: Members must be 18 or older. Certain events held at CSC but not produced by us may decline to honor our free or discounted event admissions. Certain materials may not be checked out from the library even by members. (Please note: Check-out privileges are still on hold while we finish cataloging the collection, but we are about to set up special library access days.)

To become a member send a check or money order (made out to The Center for Sex & Culture or CSC) to our mailing address:

2261 Market St. #455-A
SF CA 94114

You can also join by credit card, by using the Causes button on the left toolbar [“Help Support Carol Queen’s Birthday”]. Kindly just email us at info@sexandculture.org to let us know whether your contribution was a membership payment, general donation, or a donation to a specific project. Mailing a check gets the bills paid quicker, but next month there will be bills too… so do what feels right to you.

Thank you so very much for your support! We could not sustain this all-volunteer labor of love, pleasure and enlightenment were it not for you and the rest of our CSC community and the sexuality and other Bay Area (and beyond) constituencies we serve. Please feel free to forward this mailing to any lists and individuals you feel would appreciate it.

xoxox—Carol, Robert, LibraryVixen, Marlene, Dorian, Dina, our Board, Marilyn, and all the other fabulous CSC volunteers!

Once sufficiently hard for my taste, I graze my lips across the tip of your cock, letting a gathering of spit drop, sliding my fingers through the saliva lubricant– glossing up the tip of your cock. Squeezing your balls and grasping around the base– I make your cock bigger than it really is. Pointing towards the sky, I lean for a kiss, a drop, a swallow– drifting up and down your branch, coating you in my mouth, making you polished and lubricious enough for the new cock ring to put on. It still took work, and I may have made you wince more than once, but the ring was slid down and place at the base of your cock. When I hit the vibe your body, your ass clinches and the humming emanates from not only the device, but from between your lips too.

Being a dedicated cock nurse, I begin to work in earnest– alternating between my fingers, hands and mouth– finding the right vibe adjustment on the Lelo ring that makes your cock fully engorged, hard, red and angry– just how I like it.

I decide to bring you back down a bit– well there is no bringing that cock back down, but I slow the process by turning the vibe on very low and administering a slow teasing hand job– no cumming to soon for you.
“Do you like that? I bet you want come don’t you…I don’t think you came last night did you? ahhh you must be pretty backed up.”
You only nod, shift your head, perhaps a loving scowl- your brain function is all trapped in your cock– which is leaking and dripping strands of pre-cum all over the place now. Like a animal your cock drips around your pulsing head.

Increasing the cadence of my handjob, licking the pre-cum away and turning the vibe on as strong as it will, I decide it’s time. Again the vibe makes your body clinch, and my mouth keeps it that way, everything about you is rigid.
Up for air–
“Come for me.”
My strokes, firm– not fast and not slow, pull the orgasm from body, draining, and indeed milking. Exploding spurts hit my tongue, then surround my hands and fingers– I keep my stroke tightly around your branch, I want every last drop.

The seizing of your body releases, the clinching subsides– cock heavy, used and spent– for now at least– the cock ring slides easily off. Your eyes slit and you slip into sleep. I– the nurse, the whore, clean up and curl in next to you.

Because of our distance, we decide to meet at a half way point and then take one car our secret hot springs destination. I love road trips with you, I like riding, not driving, not making the decisions, in your hands all the way- plus it gives me the freedom to be naughty as I want to be. The remaining hour and a half drive I let my mind and mouth wander- teasing you with words, kisses and filthy whispers into your ear. My hands perpetually finding their way into your lap, to your branch- I want to make you hard, I want to torture you and make you pull the car over and punish me for distracting you while driving, while I try to make you fuck me right then and there on the side of the road, but you make me behave, you make me wait.

The hot springs is empty, a few random naked bodies, but for the most part the place is all ours. We get our room, unwind, pour those glasses of good Cali wine, slowly disrobe. From behind you- my breast  grazing against your back- I lower for a whisper and kiss in your ear, letting my hands float across your chest, down your belly to your branch, lightly stroking and sliding my fingers along your shaft– just teasing the length of you.

“Should we go soak? or shall I continue?”

Grabbing my hands with a firm grasp, you pull me in, mashing my tits into your back, clasping tighter around my wrists– a clasp just tight enough to make my pussy pulse–

“You’re going to have to wait dirty girl, lets go soak.”

I love and hate it when you make me wait. I break free from the grasp, I let my hands drop around your cock for few more strokes before we head out, making sure you are a solid rock– if you won’t fuck me now,  I want to make sure you are sufficiently worked up. We robe up, drink up and hit the baths. The soak takes away the drive, the day, the weeks– and leaves just you and I. We shift around in the private bath spring letting our bodies adjust to the heat and to each other, we sink into one anther and drift.

Post soak we seem to float back to our room, I pour us another glass of wine. On the bed you lay back, head propped with the mountain of pillows, your eyes half open, your muscular calves and thighs peek our from the split in your robe. Looking at you makes me drift into how wonderful that sweet cock of yours is going to feel. Starting at your feet I work my up, a nice slow massage, working each joint and muscle, feeling the strength of you legs even while relaxed. Up to your thighs my hands explore what I’ve been missing, your cock begins that slow transition from relaxed, soft and small to become meat, growing more than looks possible, the softness turning to density. Your robe falls open exposing the entire length of your body, me inbetween your legs continuing my slow massage upward towards your cock, that is now heavy, and I stroke my fingertips across the soft skin, watching the creases disappear with girth, my hands find you well and you know how much I love giving a slow SLOW hand job, no hurry, no rush, no demands, just knowing your cock and balls.

Alternating between my mouth and my hands, your are right where I want you now– a solid rock of a trunk, your big tip forming those clear drops that I massage in with my thumb around the head, causing you sigh.

In what has become almost a beg I whisper into the room,

“I need it now, I can’t wait.”

Grabbing at the base of your cock, your big hand cupping your balls, your thumb and finger in the form of a cock ring around the base– you squeeze and your cock becomes even bigger.

“Such a greedy girl, you want this cock.”

Licking my lips I nod eagerly and and begin my ascent, straddling, you rub that big throbbing head into my puffy lips, instantly making my clit pop, and I’ve been wet for hours so I more than ready to sink my cunt down and swallow every bit of you.

It only happens with a cock I know, and whose cock knows me and there is generally a build up– a tease. This was a tease that lasted all day, well really when I think about, it it has been a tease that has been going on for months, years even.

I know the moment you your cock touches my junction that I could orgasm from that first insertion into me. You’ve teased me properly between my legs and between my ears….and I am more than ready for that cock. Sliding it all over my pussy, inching it in slowly– no thrusting, just a slow fill. I drop my hips, my pussy dreamily and deliberately as possible, I want to feel every inch deep inside of me.  Feeling from the inside out, my organs clinching, my abdomen pulling in, my body trying to grab your cock, but I stay slow as I sink down. Filling, full… that feeling absorbs me, takes over and consumes my whole body starting from my cunt and deep into my belly— this guttural moan is deeply exhaled into the room- my animal sound. You, are buried into me as far as possible and I want more.

I sit up straighter atop of you and  start squeezing your cock, and I can feel it, the orgasm rising, squeezing and squeezing– oh god it just makes me crazy and  feels amazing– a wild and deep orgasm that surrounds your cock and makes want to fuck you more. But- I refrain from any grinding and let this concentrated orgasm run through me without either of us barely moving.
Expressions of  love leak out of my mouth…

“I love your cock, so fucking good.”

Sighs and moans, words no longer decipherable spill and I come– clinching with all of me surrounding your cock– this cock that I’ve missed so much. No griding, no pounding, just filling.

It is rather disturbing and just not fair. Damn you cock gods, why must your give them such sizable throbbing chunks of meat, that I swear pulses and becomes thicker at my stare- that I am unable to control- from behind this reference desk. These thoughts of how fucking good that cock would feel as it begins to split me open make it impossible to turn away.

photo by lv

I followed custom and was quite dirty myself, but mostly I’ve been selfish and decadent with my vacation time. Eating well, drinking well, lounging naked or near naked- warm knit stockings, panties and camisole- that are constantly getting lost or pulled aside to make way for fingers, tongue, lips Getting and taking my orgasms many times over, leaving the room smelling of pussy and weed.

From where I sit on your office chair my thighs prop on the side of your bed — dropping open for viewing- from your spot there on the bed. Twisting, sliding my ass down and lifting to get just the right angle– I open myself to you, teasing open the lips– feeling the super soft puffiness of the lips of my pussy. My lips are very soft that first week after a wax, sensitive to my touch, easy to get wet.

With a slide of my finger I open more, into the slick split. Two finger now, exposing more, the pink insides– the walls. When I get excited and full my inner labia folds– smallish,like my clit– almost disappear. My clit seed grows and begins to pop through the layers, making my insides clinch for filling.

I can’t wait any longer. Grabbing your hand I slide your fingers inside of me, simultaneously sliding myself around your fingers and hand. Within a few strokes I am riding your hand, using it like a toy or a cock, those once perfect walls are wet, messy and needy. Massaging my swollen pussy around your hand, flicking at my clit- I buck, feeling like your whole hand is filling me.

Slowing down and coming off your fingers I reach the desk behind me for the toys. Handing the njoy wand over for you to replace where fingers had been you slide it in– and when hits I feel and hear my moan escape into the room. Slowly hitting the spot, which only causes me to want more. I can’t stop, I don’t want to stop– I fuck the wand, ride and grind– furious on my clit and engorged lips, I mash on my belly just above my entire cunt, pushing and bouncing the orgasm to a wet soaking fruition. When I come I completely miss the towel under me and hit the floor, surely if the wand had not been filling me I would have hit your face, leaving you dripping in me– Dirty Souh  Philly me.